Social and emotional development of 4 year olds

Four year olds are moving out into the world and can usually play happily with other children and enjoy lots of physical games as well as stories.

• They are learning to understand about the feelings and needs of others, and their behaviour shows that they can feel sympathy for others and can share their toys and take turns, at least some of the time.
• They may sometimes feel jealous of their parents' relationship.
  • Parents can help by letting them know that their relationship is important to them, and that each child will also have the opportunity to find their own special partner when they grow up.
• They often develop favourite games like "mummies and daddies" and "superman". These games allow them to try out various adult roles for a while.
  • Sometimes the roles they take may conflict with your values as a parent, but if you allow them to play without making them feel that it is wrong, they usually let go of that role once they have worked through what it means.
• The world can seem like a scary place to four year olds. They need their parents to provide a pattern of daily living that gives them a safe basis from which to explore.
  • For example, children need to know what happens at breakfast, what they will be doing during the day and what special things happen at bedtime.
• They also need to know that their parents will set safe limits to their behaviour.
  • Even though they may seem confident, it is very scary for young children to feel that their parents cannot manage them.
• Four year olds begin to organise games and make friends.
• Four year olds can be quite bossy with other children and may still have a few tantrums when they don't get what they want.
• They can usually separate from parents/carers without distress.  This may not happen if there have been upsetting separations in the past.
• Their sense of humour is developing and they are likely to laugh at funny situations.
• Some of their behaviour is "over the top" - noisy, boasting, exuberant.
• They play quite complicated make believe and pretend games, eg fathers and mothers.
• Some have imaginary playmates. This is more likely if they don't have other children to play with. This is not a sign of developmental problems.
• They have not yet worked out what is real and what is fantasy and may tell stories (lies) in order to please parents. 
• 4-5 year olds can go to the toilet by themselves, use toilet paper properly and flush the toilet.