Social/emotional development of 5 year olds

The family is still the centre of the world for five year olds.  Although they will want to play with other children and may form some simple friendships, their important emotional life is still located inside the home.

They come in contact with different ideas and ways of behaving at school and also have to fit in to a whole new system or rules that might be very different to those at home.  This can be confusing and tiring, so don't be surprised if your five year old is clingy, bossy or teary, especially after school.  Each child responds to pressure in his own way.

Five year olds can share and often feel sympathetic to others, although they are not able to be responsible for younger brothers and sisters. Five year olds notice a lot about being a boy or being a girl and often the sexes play separately.

• Your 5 year old is becoming more independent and in control of his behaviour. There will be fewer arguments and few tantrums.
• He is beginning to understand what it means to follow rules in a game and to be fair. However expect at times that it may be too much to cope with, and he will cheat or get upset or not want to play.  See the topic Winning, losing and cheating.
• 5 year olds love to play together rather than playing by themselves.
• They will often ask for permission before they do something as they are starting to learn about rules and right and wrong. “Can I” can be  heard often.
• Your 5 year old can be reasoned with. He asks serious questions, and wants to be taken seriously.
• 5 year olds are still very attached to their parents and may be upset when they begin school. See the topic Starting school.
• Your child will be mostly independent in dressing and eating but may still have some difficulty cutting with a knife.

Developing understanding

Five year olds are beginning to get enough of a view of the world to be able to understand that differences can exist side by side.  They begin to understand about values and they can understand that different families value different things. 

You can help your five year old understand that difference is not "yukky" and explain to them why you do things in a particular way in your house. They like rules because the world is opening up to them quickly and rules offer a way of doing things that stops it all getting too confusing.

• Five year olds understand a lot more about things like space and time, but most five year olds are not able to tell the time yet.
• Your child will become very good at sorting things by colour, shape and size.
• Five year olds can draw a person with a head, body, arms, legs and features such as eyes, nose and mouth.
• They can draw a house with doors, windows and a roof.
• Your 5 year old can copy letters and write some from memory.
• They can name four colours and match 10 or 12 colours.
• They can recognise letters but do not necessarily start to actually read yet.
• At 6 years your child will be able to arrange objects from smallest to largest, shortest to longest, and lightest to heaviest.
• A 6 year old will understand that the quantity of a thing remains the same when arranged differently, eg that a ball of clay is the same amount when flattened out, or when water is poured from a  fat jug to a tall thin one, it is still the same amount of water.